Anthony_the_Steppenwolf said, (8 minutes ago)
I wish, everyone you are friends with finds out one day what a truly fucked up person you really are.


I will let this remain public, as most of what I now write is friends only because of impending end to my RO.

This week will be something interesting.





It's Tuesday right?

Oh disappointment.

I'm thinking of starting a site.
Alas I am so unsavy on teh enterwebs. I would have to learn coding, yet another thing for the list of "to do's".

I'd like to get a few things together as far as the room goes.
Maybe work out a skirt for the night. Still not too sure what to wear.
The holiday is begging for my green tights to surface and call out to my legs that will probably end into hotpink heels.
It depends on if I'm really going to go it full nine, I may just wear the chucks and call it a boozing. I'm thinking white tank, new skirt, green tights and chucks. Perhaps a hit on the Sunset Strip?
If nothing else I'll hit up a bar with some friends. It'll be nice to do some well needed catching up and some well deserved drinking.

I can't help the urge to blatently belt out a tune.
But I'm sitting here in the office between calls that make me jump up at a moments notice, to find myself cutting fabric. On the phone to whoever it is trying to figure out who I'm blaming. Who I'm getting what from. Where is my fabric that I ordered two days ago!!

I want to sing a song for every person I pass, and in between coughs and nose blowing I will sound like the lovely doll that I exude so well. Maybe someone should remind me where the ground is. I seem to be floating up in the clouds at times.

I was grounded last night. Was cut off at the seams. You surely put me into place.
But it doesn't get me for too long before I realize the that in the big picture this is the crumb that fell to the floor and got eaten by an ant.
There are bigger fish to fry. And for future reference, I do not belong in the pan with them.

What a lovely day it is, I'm not upset about the warm weather. Infact I'm rather enjoying it. I wish I could go to the beach and really make the most of it. Perhaps a trip out this weekend is in order.
I'll look into that.

Today my computer seems to think its funny to go back and forth between time and space. Changing its time setting back and forth between before and after daylight savings. Not funny. Stupid machine, getting the best of me.

If I were to make one of those funny "you're on notice" things from the Colbert Report, computer, you'd be on it. Under a few other appliances that like to not work for me regularly. Toaster has been doing better, but maybe that's because I haven't been using him much. Or is toaster a girl? Oh well, he can't hear me let alone read this so I don't care if it's offended. Yeah, you heard me. I don't care about the toasters feelings.

Yeah, yeah so I was trying to have a third go at friendship with her. It didn't work out. I think she freaked and thought I was goin gto get "mad" or something and fell off the radar once more.
It honnestly doesn't have to be like that. I'll leave you alone for another couple of years before I miss you again.
I'm sort of sorry I was such a bitch to you at Lauren's 4th of July thing.

Maybe I'm the one skating the thin ice? Lord knows the last year pushed me into the pool more than twice, and blew me away a few times too.
Oh what fun we had.

This is the year of surprises. So fucking surprise me bitches, surprise me!

I got on the scale last week, I've lost a good amount of weight in the last month. Nothing to alert the media about, but hell, it's not bad either way.
I may end up going to the gym a few more times a week, it's free so I figure why not on his long days at work.

***
on a seperatte note
Things have been going all too smoothly lately. Even with the mess of bills, work, and life trying to get in the way and pull at my heartstrings. He surprises me like no other has and I hate to think that I'd fall, but the ledge is looking good and there's lots of feathers to break my fall once I do finally jump. That is, if I get the chance to.

Saturday straight through to Sunday. Madness I tell you, madness.

I can't believe that was my weekend. They are getting better and better. The more the merrier, the more the better.

It's a Monday but it does not quite feel like one. Maybe tomorrow will be more tasking. What do you think?

I've been all over the map lately. Good friends and good times, bad friends wasted lines. I'll still call you, but I won't hold my breath.

Throwing caution to the wind while driving must have been my best decission cause I sure haven't looked back once since.

I found out I wasn't invited to your party. That hurts. More so because you were just telling me that you miss me and wanted to hang out. It's not inexcusable, it's disappointment. It feels like a lie. Whatever you give to me as a reason will sit in the back of my head with all the excuses/lies that Anne told me.

This isn't what a friend does. Especially not a friend the way I thought we were friends.

Things have been peachy as of late.
I try not to be straight forward about the news because, well, because you know why. I really want to set up a site for myself. Something sweet and very much an extension of myself. A place to business and a place to write, though LJ is truely a lovely thing in its own. At least it is to me.
It's a silly thing to feel satisfied and not to want nor to really need anything other than what you have. Not really possessions, but rather moments that I'm putting in bottles and placing on shelves.

Deeply satisfied is not scary like I always put it out to be. I'll use my selfish card and beg it to remain and perhaps grow into more. Growing up isn't scary anymore either. The only thing scary is thinking of how I'm going to manage to move out within a reasonable time frame. Even more scary is the thought of having a roommate, I think I will probably need a roommate. Oh my.

Is it possible to have it all?
I think not since I am still missing so many of my friends. Oh if I could have two more days a week. I don't know what I'd do with them but I'd find a way to hang out with you all. I really want to plan an epic get together so I can see you all at once and maybe even have a drink or two and reminisce the old days and all the adventures we had. Oh, if only. If only.

I'll put my plan into the works. Into the mill for the factory to toil over and somehow make it all reality.

I feel like I've been leaving myself out in the cold. Just there's too many people around for this to be true. It's been a full plate and no matter how I shovel it in, it remains the same. Full to the edge, never letting cease the quantity and sometimes quality of what is there.

I'm looking at moving like the ride of my life. I wanted to be out by now but realized when the bills flooded in that it was time to look at it realistically. I bit the bullet once more and find myself trying a new route homebound. It makes a fifteen minute diference. Is it really a difference? I wonder aloud.

The time has come and passed and I am no more ready to face this than I was the last time. It shows its face and I still get confused and wrapped up the way a child does when "no" really is the final answer.
I'm no more than you, I am simply me. I am simple and mild, just looking to see where the next ride will take me.
But I'm not a user on any level, I am telling you this from my heart.
I wish I had more time.

Lately my head and heart are all a flutter by what was least expected. I never though I would meet what is now face to face with me. It was all black and white before this. It was a one way street heading west until I crashed into the ocean.

What once was, wasn't meant. I thought it was you, but infact it was me.
How do you tell one what they don't want to hear? I avoid the news, but am not ashamed of anything other than my effect on your feelings. I feel something that I wasn't able to in so long. You gave it to me, and I'm not stepping on it. I'm not throwing it away, but I know that inside of you, you feel this too.
I promise to understand, and will have a place for you in me as well. Reguardless

While one ship sails yet another comes to harbor. When you seek out one thing in comes another. When you least expect it, here comes one more.
One man yells cut, one more shouts roll...